


The scars we try to hide

by UndeadFae



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, post shin teikoku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 06:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19267534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeadFae/pseuds/UndeadFae
Summary: It's the first time that Genda looks at himself in the mirror after the match that he really looks at them. The two scars are thin and jagged, running over his right eye and stopping at his cheekbone.Every time he sees himself in the mirror, Genda stubbornly tries to pull his hair over his eye, like that can be enough to hide those scars and shove the pain in a forgotten corner of his mind. It never works.Sakuma tries to help.





	The scars we try to hide

**Author's Note:**

> this started because I saw Genda's scars after shin teikoku weren't there anymore and I wanted to write abt that. this monster was spawned. there is no saving me now i'm deep in this gay rabbit hole. hope y'all enjoy my midnight cry writing

It's the first time that Genda looks at himself in the mirror after the match that he really looks at them. The two scars are thin and jagged, running over his right eye and stopping at his cheekbone. One of them is almost hidden by a stray lock of hair, but the other is in plain sight, almost mocking him, a grim reminder that there is no escape from what happened at Shin Teikoku. It's a miracle he can still see with that eye.

Every time he sees himself in the mirror, Genda stubbornly tries to pull his hair over his eye, like that can be enough to hide those scars and shove the pain in a forgotten corner of his mind. It never works.

Sakuma tries to reassure him that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Genda tries to believe him, he really tries.

* * *

 

At first, he's too busy being worried sick for Sakuma to care about himself that much, thankful that his own injuries aren't bad enough to keep him from taking care of his friend- even when the nurses and doctors insist that he was far too close to breaking many bones to freely walk around like he wants to. As soon as he can move, Genda is driving the nurses crazy, constantly out of his bed and walking around just so he can make sure Sakuma is alright, even if he risks collapsing at any minute and the nurses give him enough lectures to last him for a lifetime as they drag his half conscious body back to his own bed.

He knows Sakuma would be just as exasperated as them, telling him to be more careful while he sulks over being stuck in bed. His heart sinks a little more every time he looks at the other bed almost expecting that, only to see his friend unconscious and pumped with pain killers just to make the pain bearable enough to let him rest.

He can only keep hoping that when he'll look back at that bed, Sakuma will finally be awake.

* * *

 

Genda is absently staring out of the window, lost in his own mind, when a weak groan snaps him out of his thoughts and back to reality. When he sees a hazy brown eye open, his heart skips a beat, hurrying to get up and go at his friend's side, nearly tripping and falling to the floor in his rush.

"Sakuma? Can you hear me?" It takes a few seconds for his eye to finally see and focus on Genda, yet it feels like long, agonizing hours.

"H-hey... G-Genda..." He can barely talk or keep his eye open and it's a struggle to just turn his head enough to look at him, but he's awake. That's already more than what Genda could ask for.

"I'm here- how are you feeling...?" He reaches out to gently take his hand, his own weak attempt at comforting his friend. He tries to ignore how Sakuma's hand can't hold his back.

"L-like shit..." In another situation, Genda would've playfully scolded him for his language. Right now, after what felt like a painful eternity just waiting and hoping to see him wake up and recover, he couldn't care any less.

"You'll be alright, don't worry..." He's already worrying enough for the both of them. He wants so badly to help him, to do something more than just touch his hand and hope that won't hurt him, but for now, all he can do is offer a few empty words of reassurance, cursing his own powerlessness. "Go back to sleep, you need it. I'm not leaving you alone." It doesn't take much longer for Sakuma's eye to slowly close, his breath evening and soon he's fast asleep again. A few more times during the day, he wakes up for a few minutes, desperately tries to stay awake only to fall back asleep. Genda doesn't leave his seat next to the bed until he can't keep his eyes open anymore and is forced back to his own bed.

* * *

 

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Genda should. He also doesn't care.

"Shush, someone has to make sure you don't drive the nurses up a wall like last time." Sakuma just raises a skeptical eyebrow.

"Oh, really? And that's supposed to be you? The one that I heard was getting out of bed so much the nurses considered cuffing you to it?" Touché. Genda just quietly looks away, as if not answering is enough to make Sakuma drop it. "Just wait til I get out of this bed-"

* * *

 

An awful week and half of stubbornness later, Sakuma can already move his fingers again, even if it's slow and awkward. His progress is slow and painful, but he doesn't give up, trying to do at least a little more everyday. Genda still worries and tries to tell him to take it easy, even when all it accomplishes is making Sakuma try harder until he's out of breath and Genda mutters a 'told you so'. Sakuma is keeping track of all those times just to get his revenge later.

When Sakuma manages to lift an arm, it's been three weeks already. It's painful, slow, his arm doesn't move more than a few inches in the air before dropping and the effort leaves him drained, but he refuses to admit it, just keeps quietly working on recovering the movement in his body even when the doctors keep telling him to stop and rest. Genda has started spending most of the days sitting on the chair next to Sakuma's bed, despite his protests that it's fine and he should just stay in his own bed and rest.

"Shouldn't  _ you _ be resting?" Sakuma just keeps stubbornly trying to move his arms more than a couple of inches.

"Don't sass me."

Genda sticks his tongue out. Sakuma pouts and looks away. After an hour or so of more attempts and Sakuma running out of energy, he finally listens to Genda and lays back to rest.

* * *

 

The nightmares don't make themselves wait.

_ The Raimon's striker is a pale blur, cold and merciless like a raging blizzard, snow white scarf wildly trashing behind him as he tames the dragon thrown at him with a single kick, ice and snow gathering at his command. Genda is ready, he tells himself, he trained too hard to fail again, nobody cares if his body crumbles and falls, it's fine as long as he stops any shot coming his way- he's too slow, the shot is too fast, cold wind and ice rushing past him as the ball lands in the goal. Suddenly, the sharp grin of the pale kid is gone, vanished in a second and suddenly Kageyama is the one standing in front of him, bloodied hands carefully fixing his glasses and frown set in place, piercing through his very soul with his glare alone. _

_ "You failed again." _

_ Just three words are enough to freeze him in place. _

_ Kageyama takes a step forward and his mind goes into blind panic, he can't run, he can't hide he can't do anything because he failed again he keeps failing and his vision is drowned by red- _

Genda almost falls off the bed in his panic, sheets carelessly thrown aside in his attempts to breathe, his hair damp with sweat and uncomfortably sticking to his skin. When he finally calms down and squints in the dark, he recognizes the awfully familiar hospital room, and the sight is enough to lift the little bits of panic still lingering in his mind. He's not at Shin Teikoku anymore, Kageyama isn't there.

"Are you ok...?" The voice startles him out of his thoughts, turning to the other bed. Sakuma is awake, one eye squinting at his friend and barely awake, a hand trying to hide a yawn while the other clutched one of his pillows.

"I'm fine... Sorry for waking you up..." Then a pillow hits him in the face. Even with one blind eye and half of his body barely capable of moving, Sakuma's aim is nearly flawless.

"Bullshit." Ignoring his muttered 'language', Sakuma slowly scoots over in his bed to make space- or at least tries to. It's not easy when all he can really move are his arms. "Come on, get in here- I'm not leaving you alone if you're gonna be having more nightmares. Like when I was in the hospital for my infection, remember that?" He's getting lost in the memories of a few years ago and Genda only huffs, a soft and breathless laugh.

To be honest, he doesn't really want to share a bed, not when he knows he'll just keep waking up and inconveniencing Sakuma with his dumb dreams.

And so he tries to argue. Keyword tries to.

With what must've been at least a half hour or so of arguing, he can at least say he tried damn hard.

In the end, Genda has to concede defeat, knowing that even if he stays in his own bed and sleeps peacefully afterwards (not like Sakuma can do anything about it), if he doesn't let him help he'll just pester him about it for days. In hindsight, arguing about sharing a bed in the first place was already stupid, knowing very well there's no way to get an idea out of Sakuma's head once he decided something.

"At least let me wash my face first, I'm all sweaty and gross." He throws the pillow back on his way to the bathroom, silently relieved that the only thing that hurts now are his arms and not his legs or entire body. He pointedly avoids looking at the mirror like it's poison, shaking the nightmare off with the cold water and quickly going back to the room. Sakuma is nearly falling asleep, yet he stubbornly refuses to, waiting for Genda to come back and make himself comfortable.

When Genda helps his friend move over and gets under the sheets, Sakuma wordlessly squints at him for an awkwardly long minute or so, a hand slowly reaching out to touch his scarred cheek, a thumb gently tracing the scars. The contact flusters him and makes his heartbeat quicken for multiple reasons. Then, Sakuma gets closer and places a kiss on his forehead, right where his scars begin, with a gentleness so unlike the brash and hot headed forward. All his thoughts come to a halt, his brain stops working and his heart nearly stops beating, his cheeks burning furiously. With a sleepy smile, Sakuma gets comfortable and is out like a light within seconds. His hair is covering almost all his face and he isn't wearing his eye patch. With a quiet breath, Genda reaches out with a shaky hand, gently pushing his hair out of the way and looking at his peaceful sleeping face. Gathering all his courage, he leans down just enough to leave a feather-light kiss on his forehead, right over the blind eye, to then roll over to try and go back to sleep, his face feeling like it's on fire and his heart threatening to leap out of his chest. 

When Genda finally manages to fall asleep, he doesn't dream of failure and pain anymore. It's the best few hours of sleep he's gotten since the Shin Teikoku fiasco. He doesn't mention any of the night's events in the morning.

Somehow, Sakuma's arms found their way around Genda's chest in his sleep, holding him close with all the strength his arms have in his current condition, as if he's just cuddling one of the penguin plushies he still denies having in his bed.

Genda doesn't mind. The doctors have another opinion. Sakuma doesn't give a damn about injuries and whatever other complain they have.

In the end, no one in the hospital staff manages to get Sakuma to let go of his friend/temporary plush. Genda quickly finds out that he doesn't have any complain.

He still isn't quite sure what to make of this newfound intimacy, but he welcomes it with open arms. It feels nice, it's warm and comfortable and it easily pushes the nightmares and pain away.

* * *

 

"You know what they say about scars." Sakuma starts casually when he notices Genda once again pulling his wild bangs over his eye. "You were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. You survived." Genda isn't convinced, he just tugs at his bangs harder as if that could make the scars disappear. Sakuma can only sigh and look back at the tv, absently switching channels and waiting, hoping his friend will say something. He knows Genda usually isn't the talkative type, but ever since they got stuck in the hospital again he's been even quieter than usual. It worries Sakuma more than he would ever admit.

"It's not the scars." His voice is so quiet the tv's noise almost drowns it out, yet Sakuma can hear it perfectly clear. He lowers the volume and glances at his friend. "Every time... every time I look in the mirror, every time I see the scars... I remember that- I remember everything and it just doesn't stop-" his hands are shaking and he has to cut himself off. Sakuma reaches out to take his hand, gently rubbing circles with a thumb on his palm. It's enough to make Genda breathe again, one deep breath after another until he calms down.

"Remember when we were in elementary school and I had to start using an eye patch?" Genda silently nods. He remembers the infection that landed his friend in the hospital for the first time, that took his right eye's sight, its once deep crimson color dulled to a dead brown. It took days to get him to even try and smile again. "And do you remember what you told me when you were with me in the hospital?"

"... I told you that it doesn't matter what happens, I'm your friend and I won't leave you alone." He stops for a moment, a smile tugging at his lips at the memory. "Then I said eye patches are cool and if anyone tried to make fun of you I would punch them." Sakuma barely holds back a laugh.

"You know that goes for you too, right? I won't leave you alone no matter what." Then he grins, something almost dangerous. "And if anyone gives you shit for those scars they'll deal with me." As much as he appreciates the sentiment behind the words, Genda has to wonder if he'll have to help hide a body sooner or later.

"... Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

 

_ Sakuma isn't moving, isn't speaking, isn't even screaming, frozen on his spot on the pitch- and then he just collapses, deadly still on the floor and his heart nearly stopped. The cold fear threatening to crush him is enough to clear the fog in his mind, to break the control keeping him chained and loyal to Kageyama. Even with his body screaming at him in  agony, begging him to just give up before it's too late, he refuses to listen, he stubbornly ignores the pain in his muscles and bones and runs to his friend's side. He keeps frantically calling his name, fear and desperation creeping into his voice, but Sakuma just lays unresponsive in his arms and he can't do anything to help him- _

Genda manages to wake up with a gasp before the stupid nightmare can get even worse, heart beating wildly and eyes darting around as he takes in his surroundings and returns to reality. Sakuma is quiet and sleeping peacefully, his face isn't twisted in pain anymore and he isn't trying to scream until his throat is raw. It's enough to calm his still too fast heartbeat down a little and let him lay down to try and catch a few more much needed hours of sleep.

When Genda closes his eyes, the sight of his tortured friend flashes through his mind, the memories of pain and a frantic escape silently praying that his friend would survive creeping on his soul. He doesn't manage to fall back asleep that night.

* * *

 

It only takes a few days for the Teikoku team to frantically call them after the news of their hospitalization reaches them. It takes a few minutes for Sakuma and Genda to finally calm down the team and have a somewhat normal conversation. With the whole Zeus ordeal and Kidou's departure, Teikoku's soccer club was already doing poorly, but losing their two best players and trusted friends to the Shin Teikoku hit them hard, the remaining team left to scramble to pick themselves up from that mess, training much more than what was safe just to keep up. Despite the utter disaster the team was left in, they're overjoyed just knowing that two of their members will recover and come back. There isn't even an inch of doubt in their voices that the two will come back to the team, as if they really don't blame them for what happened, not holding even the smallest grudge against them for helping Kageyama again.

The call didn't last much longer after that, the team promising they'd try their best to stay in touch between the school and practices before hanging up. Sakuma and Genda didn't need to exchange any words to know how heavy the guilt got after that conversation. The rest of the day is quiet.

* * *

 

_ Someone is talking to him, voice frantic and growing more and more desperate as the time passed, but he can't hear them, can't focus on the words enough to even make sense of them, all he knows is that he's curled up on his side laying on the floor, his breath is heavy and ragged, his vision is all blurry and there is red splashed all over it, something warm is trickling down his face and his hand is pressed against his right eye with so much strength it threatens to break the skin even with the gloves on. When his vision clears enough to tell shapes and colors apart, he finds Sakuma standing in front of him, facing a dark figure towering over them-  _

_ Kageyama pushes through his friend so easily, throwing him aside like a worthless and broken rag doll to take a step forward. Seeing Sakuma's limp figure slumped against the wall, blood gathering where his head hit the wall, is enough to force his limbs to move, to make him scream and fight like a cornered animal even if it takes his breath away because he can't let him hurt Sakuma too- a bony hand smeared with hastily cleaned blood is reaching out, yanking on his hair to get him back to his feet and drag him out of the dark room and then all he can feel is pain- _

"-ke up! Come on, wake up Genda!" His eyes snap open and he sits up so fast he almost hits Sakuma in the process, his breath is heavy, his throat is burning and making him feel sick to his stomach. It takes him a few moments to recognize the hospital room, to remember that Kageyama is gone and they're not trapped in that hellish submarine anymore. "It's ok, just take deep breaths." While Genda is busy filling his lungs with air again, Sakuma pushes in his hands a glass of water that has been sitting on the nightstand for a few hours. It's lukewarm by now, yet it still feels refreshing as he quickly drinks all of it until he doesn't feel like throwing up anymore. Just as quickly, Sakuma is prying the empty glass out of his shaky hands before he can drop it.

"I'm fine... I'm fine now." When his breathing evens out and his heart isn't trying to dig its way out of his chest anymore, Genda quietly sighs and lays back down, gaze lost into nothing as the recent nightmare flashes through his mind. A pang of worry makes his chest ache, only easing when he slides his hand into Sakuma's and feels his pulse, constant and strong and alive. The image of his friend unconscious and bleeding still haunts him, but the warmth of Sakuma's hand makes almost all the pain and fear go away. Even in the dark, he's fairly sure he can make out a faint blush tinting Sakuma's cheeks. He can definitely feel the weak yet reassuring squeeze.

"... I never thanked you."

"For what?"

"For helping me... when Kageyama... you know." He only gestures at his eye and Sakuma understands. Kageyama never cared enough to even give him something to stop the bleeding, only telling him to do better the next time if he wanted to stop the pain, only caring about having the perfect team that could crush any opponent even if it killed his players. It was Sakuma the one who helped him clean up the blood, who tried to soothe his pain and stop the bleeding, who got in the way without caring for the consequences when Kageyama wanted him to go back to training with half of his face smeared in blood and an eye forced shut by the pain.

"You don't need to thank me, you know? We're friends, of course I was going to help you." He doesn't need any light in the dark room to picture perfectly Sakuma's smile in his mind.

He blames the traitor thought murmuring how he doesn't want to be just friends on the lack of sleep. That had to be it, nothing more than a sleepy, stupid thought.

Sakuma is the first to fall back asleep. His hand didn't let go of Genda's.

* * *

 

The team manages to make enough time to visit them in the hospital. Despite the staff's concerns about the ruckus eleven kids in a tiny hospital room could cause, they ultimately agree to let them all in under the condition of keeping their visit short. Genda barely manages to mess up his hair in time, just enough to fall over his scarred eye. No one noticed the scars, too happy seeing their teammates against to even realize Genda was hiding something.

When the team leaves an hour later, Genda quietly sighs, brushing his hair out of his face with a hand.

"You ok?" Turning to face his friend, he can see the concern in Sakuma's eye. Part of him hates to worry him. A smaller part of him is glad to know how much Sakuma cares for him.

"Yeah... I'm fine, don't worry." Sakuma doesn't seem convinced. He himself isn't. "Really, I'm fine. I just... I don't want to show them yet. It's nothing."

"... You know you can talk to me, right?" Genda just quietly nods- of course he knows, if there is one person he trusts more than anyone else with this it's Sakuma. He just has to gather his thoughts, he tells himself, it's just a matter of figuring out what he wants to say. He's never been that good with words anyways.

* * *

 

Sometimes, Sakuma has nightmares too.

He tries to hide it, almost manages too, but Genda can still see through him, sees how he clenches his fists, grits his teeth and clams up, quieter than usual and always trying to keep the conversations short and as far away from himself as possible. All his attempts of getting him to talk, to open up and stop hiding everything are quickly shut down.

Sakuma might be stubborn, but Genda is patient and equally stubborn. He can deal with this, especially if it's to help his friend.

And so, Genda keeps interrogating him and prying, even after Sakuma goes quiet and starts actively ignoring his questions in what he apparently considers a good attempt at keeping him from worrying.

"What was it this time?"

"It's nothing, really-" It's yet another day of Sakuma waking up in a cold sweat and gritting his teeth, refusing to acknowledge the problem even when they both are all too aware of it.

"That's what I said too." He flinches even knowing that Genda isn't accusing him of anything. "You're my best friend, you can't expect me to not worry when something's wrong." His voice is almost pleading, begging him to let him help. Sakuma doesn't say anything else.

A few days later, he hesitantly starts talking, gaze lost as he recalls the most recent nightmare. Genda knows he doesn't talk about all of them and tends to leave some stuff out, but he tries to help nonetheless, tries to reassure and comfort him as much as he can.

It's not easy, and it doesn't stop the nightmares, but it helps.

* * *

 

_ Even all the harsh training back at the Teikoku couldn't have prepared him for the sheer agony that was using Beast Fang, failed attempt or not. The ball lands in the net far too easily, but he's too he's too busy almost crawling on the ground as he regains his breath to care. He's vaguely aware of someone yelling his name, can barely make out the two dark figures looming over him, Kageyama frowning disappointed and Fudou looking almost disgusted at his failure. _

_ "You failed." It's just a statement, voice cold and neutral, yet his blood freezes. "And I don't tolerate failure." That's all the warning he gets. He tries to say something, to mutter that he'll do it, he'll be strong enough and won't fail again, but before the words can even leave his sore throat, something hits him and the pain makes him fall to his knees, coughing and spluttering, still not recovered from his attempt at using the forbidden hissatsu. _

_ He can hear Fudou sneering and mocking him, Sakuma frantically screaming at someone, fighting to free himself, and Kageyama ordering him to get up and try again. _

_ Somehow, he manages to get up on shaky legs, barely keeping himself up. _

_ He fails again and he just keeps failing and it hurts- _

_ "Do better next time, or there will be real consequences." _

_ Everything else is distant and muffled as his world fades into black. _

Even if he manages to wake up without screaming, he still ends up accidentally waking Sakuma up. Neither of them says anything, Sakuma just quietly pulls him closer and wraps his arms around him, occasionally rubbing gentle circles on his back until Genda stops shaking. He barely manages to murmur a thank you before exhaustion takes over, and then even in his sleep he refuses to let go of Sakuma for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

Nearly two painful months later, Genda is the first to be discharged from the hospital. It's not a surprise, they both knew Sakuma's recovery would take longer after how much he destroyed his body with Koutei Penguin, and even with his smile and congratulations, Genda can tell how much Sakuma hates to see him leave. He just chuckles and promises to come and visit everyday until his friend gets discharged.

For a moment, he just stands right outside of the hospital gate, simply enjoying the breeze and the sun after so long holed up in a room. It almost makes him want to just go for a jog, take the long route back home, only holding himself back when he remembers the doctors would have his head for that. Bus ride it is. When he gets on the bus and takes the first empty seat he finds, he feels the people's stares on him and he quickly pulls on his hood until it almost covers his eyes, forcing himself to ignore them to focus all of his attention on the screen of his phone, even if he's just staring at the home screen or idly scrolling through old pics. A quick internet search and he stops at a nearby store on his way home.

Once they see him his parents are, to put it lightly, a mess, fretting and relieved and horrified all at the same time, asking if he really is ready to be out of the hospital and why didn't he call so they could pick him up (he knows they're always busy with work, he doesn't want to bother). He doesn't blame them for their worry, with his constant attempts to keep hospital visits as short as possible and hiding his eye under messy hair -despite Sakuma's very vocal disapproval-, they never saw the scars before. It takes a few hours and a lunch too big even for him to convince them that he's fine, really, he just needs to rest a little more and he'll be back to normal in no time. His mom still tells him that he won't go to school the next day just to be sure and he doesn't protest.

He doesn't tell them that he's not fine, that he doesn't know if he'll ever be. They're already worried enough as it is.

When he finally retreats to his room, Genda takes a moment to collapse on his bed and lay there without even taking off his shoes, quietly staring at the ceiling, too busy with his own thoughts to do anything else until he starts dozing off without realizing it. When he wakes up, it's late at night and he finds a warm plate on his desk, his calico cat curled up and sleeping on his stomach and many unread messages in his phone. Sakuma is already complaining and spamming his phone with all the angry and pouting emojis he can find. It's a stupid tiny gesture that shouldn't meant anything, but it makes Genda smile nonetheless. It's a reminder that he isn't truly alone in this mess.

When Haru wakes up from her nap and starts stubbornly meowing and pawing at his face, Genda huffs and decides that dinner can wait a little bit longer, giving the spoiled cat the attention she's so desperately asking for.

"It's ok, I'm back now- did you miss me?" Her meows are louder and no matter how much Genda pets her, Haru still isn't satisfied. "I missed you too, but please be quiet now before-" It's too late. The rest of his tiny army of demons has woken up, what was one lazy cat purring on his lap has turned into six balls of fur invading his bed, and he has no choice but to give up to their demands.

It takes a while and a lot of petting before he can eat his now cold dinner. Even when they stop demanding affection, Haru refuses to leave his lap and Ryo quickly joins her, Dai's big grey belly is somehow comfortable on top of his head and Yuki is perched on his shoulders, his fluffy white tail occasionally brushing his face and tickling his nose, Chika and Emi quickly going back to snoring at his side. Sakuma calls after a while to hear how he's doing and bid him goodnight, only to laugh at his struggle for a good minute or so. Genda wants to be mad and pout, really, but then he realizes he doesn't mind if it means Sakuma is smiling.

In the end, it takes him a good hour to manage to get out of the bed, change into his pjs and get all the little furry demons off his bed enough to get under the sheets. They still come back to sleep on him as soon as he's settled.

The next day, he groggily wakes up from a blessed dreamless sleep when the sunlight hits him in the face. It feels weird, not having to wake up in a rush to go to school, but not unwelcome. After a quick good morning call with Sakuma and breakfast, Genda heads to the bathroom to try and look like a functional human being once again. He winces at the miserable reflection in mirror: faint dark circles under his eyes, messy and tangled hair reaching past his neck and sticking wildly in all directions- and those goddamn scars standing out against his paler than usual skin. No wonder his parents were so worried, he looks like a zombie. He feels like one too.

A shower is already a good start to make him come back to life and get rid of the faint smell of antyseptics still clinging to him. At least for a few minutes, the warm water makes him forget his problems and his muscles ache a little less.

Shower done, he reaches for the brush, flinching when it yanked on the tangled strands. He should cut his hair, but doesn't trust his hands to be steady enough yet and he's not desperate enough to get rid of the extra length, so he settles for some sort of messy ponytail after brushing it and leaves it at that. He has a lot of work ahead of him already to worry about messing up his haircut.

He keeps trying to push the wet bangs out of his face enough to just look at it, but they're stubbornly sticking to his skin no matter how much he tries, so he resorts to a few hairpins to keep them in place for now. Reaching into his bag, he takes the shopping bag from the day before and his phone, going back to the internet search that would've made him cringe years ago while he sorts through everything he bought.

It takes him roughly an hour and making a mess out of the sink, but when he's done and looks in the mirror, his reflection stares back, more lively than he's been in days: his hair is clean and styled almost in his usual way, the longer strands pulled back in a temporary ponytail, his skin has regained some color- and his scars are hidden so perfectly it's almost like they were never there in the first place. Genda knows it's not ideal, he should just get used to them and deal with the entire package of emotional trouble he's stubbornly ignoring, but for now this is good enough. He doesn't want to remember them, to think of what happened back at Shin Teikoku. He already went through the hassle of buying all that stuff and searching those obnoxious makeup tutorials anyways just to clean it off now, and the scars would gather even more attention with angry red skin surrounding them.

When he leaves his home and walks into a crowd, he almost pulls on his hood on instinct, just waiting for the stares and people pointing at him- but the stares never come, he never feels them on him and no one is paying him unwanted attention. Apparently he did a better work than he expected at covering them up. 

With a relieved sigh, he makes his way to the hospital before Sakuma can blow up his phone out of spite and emojis.

When Genda walks in, the receptionist just spares him a glance and gestures at him to go on, already knowing what he wants and where he's going. It slightly concerns him how used the hospital staff is to their presence. He's about to open the door to the room when he stops dead on his tracks, realization dawning on him. Sakuma knew of his scars. He would know that something is up as soon as he gets a good look at his face.

Somehow, hiding them from him makes Genda more nervous than showing them to strangers.

Finally deciding that waiting won't change anything, he steels himself and opens the door.

Sakuma is so busy angrily switching channels that he almost doesn't notice the door opening. His annoyed frown is replaced by a smile as soon as he spots his friend walking in, tv quickly forgotten and he whistles once he takes a good look at Genda.

"Someone's back to the world of the living." Then, he seems to realize something, squinting in confusion and a hint of worry slipping into his voice. "What... happened to your scars?"

"People were staring, and it wasn't the fun kind of attention. I just... covered them. It's not a big deal, really." Sakuma can still see so easily through his hesitation and lies. He silently reaches over and takes Genda's hand, as gentle and kind as the night after the first nightmare. He doesn't need to say anything, the touch is warm and soothing and Genda can't help but smile at the contact.

The rest of the day is peaceful. When visiting hours are over and he walks out of the hospital, Genda feels more at ease.

* * *

 

His first school day after being discharged arrives too quickly for his liking. Despite his doubts -he refuses to admit he's afraid-, wearing the team's jersey once again feels... nice. It feels right.

He almost decides against covering the scars, Sakuma's words heavy on his mind. At the last minute he rushes to the bathroom. He isn't ready to show the once strong and proud Teikoku any more weaknesses just yet. Another day, he tells himself as he watches the scars disappear under the concealer. Another day, he'll be strong enough to face his scars.

When he walks into the locker room for the morning practice, he's greeted by the excited team swarming him and almost tackling him to the ground. They ask him how he's feeling, how Sakuma is doing, when his injuries are going to be fully healed and between all the chatter Genda finds out that Kidou called them as soon as he found out what Kageyama had done, then he called them again after their match to fill them in. It makes him feel even more ashamed of what they did for Shin Teikoku, kidnapping and brainwashing or not, yet he feels warm inside too, knowing for sure that Kidou never once stopped caring for his old friends, even when they turned against him like that. He makes a mental note of calling him during the week to let him know how things are going and thank him profusely for everything.

Walking into the field, Genda almost goes back to his position when the team stops him. Turns out, a routine call with Sakuma let them know that the doctor gave Genda strict orders of rest and avoiding strenuous physical activity for at least two more weeks. As strong as the urge to catch the ball is, he knows better than to go against a whole team of mother hens, so light exercise it is. During the whole practice, they keep glancing at him just to make sure he's not doing something reckless again. It makes him happy just as it exasperates him.

No one realizes he's hiding more than just the scars on his face.

* * *

 

On his way to the hospital, Genda stops by a nearby store to buy one of those weird shonen mangas Sakuma is somehow fond of and the biggest penguin plush he could find. One might think that after nearly losing all feeling and movement in his body to the first Koutei Penguin, his unconditional love of penguins might've faltered, but Genda has seen Sakuma's eye lit up with those documentaries enough times in their hospital stays to know better than that. He'll never understand where the obsession with the flightless birds that runs in the team comes from, but he doesn't need to either. All he needs to know is that 'penguins are the greatest bird to have blessed this planet' and that they make Sakuma -and Kidou who still tries to deny it- smile.

Just as expected, when Sakuma's eye lands on the plush big enough to be a pillow, it sparkles with pure childlike joy, his excitement as clear as day despite how much he tries to keep his cool and savage his reputation- even though everyone in the team already knows of his plushies collection and there is nothing left to save. Genda never told him of how they've all been planning for weeks to fill his locker with the squishy things for his birthday.

For a while, they're just casually chatting about anything that comes to their minds, Sakuma has refused to let go of his new plush, clutching it close to his chest while he rests his chin on top of its soft head, and Genda can't hide his smile at the sight, happy just seeing his friend doing better than a few weeks ago, both physically and emotionally.

When they run out of topics, they just sit there in a comfortable silence, only needing the other's company to feel at ease. It's been a constant in their friendship for as long as they've known each others, the moments of silence and peace they could share together, doing anything from petting cats to just laze around without a care in the world.

Sakuma is the first to break the silence, a thoughtful frown on his face.

"Are you sure you want to hide them?"

"I... I don't know." He almost tugs on his bangs again on instinct, only stopping when he remembers the scars are still carefully hidden, his hand awkwardly hovering in the air for a moment before settling for crossing his arms. Sakuma notices his hesitation anyways. "I know, I know- I shouldn't be avoiding the problem, I have to get over it- and I want to, really, I hate being so weak, but..." It's hard to try and deal with it when just remembering makes him want to throw up at times.

"Hey, it's ok- don't say you're weak, because that's the biggest lie I've ever heard, you're one of the strongest people I know, got it?" He nods, because he knows Sakuma will never let go of this until he can make him understand. They're both so awfully stubborn at times it's a wonder they don't argue more often. "I'll be there with you when you're ready. You're not alone." He's smiling at him again, kind and reassuring and it eases a burden on his heart the way only Sakuma can do it. Genda quietly huffs, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Since when are you the one doing the pep talks?"

Sakuma mercilessly pelts him with his pillows in answer.

* * *

 

_ He failed. He didn't use Beast fang fast enough, the shot got in far too easily, slipping past him like he's just a newbie instead of the proud king of goalkeepers. _

_ "I thought you knew better by now." His blood runs cold. Kageyama is getting closer and he can't run there's nowhere to go- "Maybe you need a different motivation." When he follows Kageyama's gaze, it lands on Sakuma who's still trying to perfect his own technique, completely unaware of the threat. Kageyama doesn't wait for an answer, turning and walking towards his unsuspecting friend, and he panics, taking the nearest ball and throwing it with all his strength. It hits the man on the back of his head, and he stops walking, dazed for a moment before turning to look at him, something akin to an angry scowl replacing his usual crooked grin. _

_ He knows he screwed up badly, he knows he's not going to get away with this, but knowing that he got his attention away from Sakuma was enough to help him handle the pain about to come. _

_ The world faded into red. _

When Genda wakes up in the morning, he finds a new text in his phone. Sakuma decided it would be a good idea to spam him with penguin emotes to let him know how well he slept with his new huggable friend. Genda just smiles and texts back the usual questions about his health and whether or not he has already gotten someone in the hospital staff to quit. He doesn't mention the nightmare once. It's not that important anyways.

When he goes to visit Sakuma later that day, he carefully hides his relief in a secret corner of his mind where he shoved those bad memories.

* * *

 

Sakuma's injuries are almost healed, not bad enough to force him into a hospital room anymore. The doctors still forbid him from school and any physical activity for a few more days, and so Sakuma is scowling and protesting with all his strength as he's put on a wheelchair. After he scares the nurses away, Genda is left with the job of pushing the wheelchair around, and Sakuma is left pouting. At least the penguin plush Genda got him is still sitting on his lap.

Even if he isn't bound to a hospital bed anymore, Genda still visits him every day. Sakuma insists that it's not necessary, yet he knows his visits are very much appreciated, can tell just by looking at the faint red in his friend's cheeks and how his normally angry tone is lighter than usual.

"How long til you can go back to school?" Sakuma frowns at the question. Even before he answers, genda can tell something is bothering him.

"Just a few more days, I'll have to go back to the hospital next monday for a check-up just to be cleared." He's suddenly glaring at the wheelchair like it personally offended him, resting his chin on his hand with a scowl. "If I'm lucky I'll just have to go around on crutches instead of this thing... Some forward I am, half blind and can't even walk alone..."

"Stop that." Genda reaches over to flick his forehead and snap him out of his thoughts, pointedly ignoring what looks too much like a pout to pass as an annoyed frown. "You survived using a forbidden shot that could've killed someone, so don't give me that crap. You're stronger than anyone else I know, alright? It'll be ok."

For a moment, Sakuma looks almost uncertain, as if he doesn't quite know whether or not to believe his words. Then, he sighs.

"Alright, alright... it's not like I have a choice, do I?" He goes quiet for a moment. "... I could just not go to school, though..." He looks like he's considering it too.

"Uh- no, no way. A few months skipping it is already enough, hospital or no hospital." Sakuma groans and looks away, recognizing a lost argument. When he looks back at Genda, there's a glint of  _ something _ in his eye. Genda doesn't like it.

"Ok then... I'll go without bitching even if I'm still on a wheelchair or crutches- but you have to at least go to practice without concealer, deal?"

Yep, definitely doesn't like it at all.

He knows very well that Sakuma is worried for him, trying to help him as much as he can, but he can't help it- the thought alone of showing such a weakness sits heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach. At the same time, Genda knows that if he feels that way over his scars, then it must be even harder for Sakuma to have to go in there without even being able to walk by himself. It's the burden they have to share and live with, and the only way to do that is facing those inner demons, accepting everything that happened and coming to terms with it.

Knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

"Come on, do it for me?"

He was so going to regret this.

* * *

 

Even if he's still bound to the help of a crutch to walk, having more freedom to move around by himself is already doing wonders for Sakuma's mood. It doesn't take much longer for him to be ready to go back to school, and despite the boredom that comes with it, he's almost eager to go, if anything at least to see the rest of the team again and not be holed up in his room one more day.

The first day of school, Genda is patiently waiting for him outside his house to walk to school together. Everyone insisted on at least driving them there, Genda included, but Sakuma is more than tired of relying on others to perform even the most basic of actions. It takes a lot of yelling and arguing, but he manages to convince his parents to let him walk- as long as he isn't alone.

"So? Ready to go back?"

"Absolutely not. Let's do this." Genda quietly huffs a chuckle. "You don't actually have to walk me to school, you know? They were just overreacting." Genda just smiles, a bag slung over each shoulder- he took it from Sakuma as soon as he saw him and wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I know. But I want to." Sakuma just pouts, too busy focusing on not falling over while walking with the crutch to keep arguing. He knows Genda has to wake up earlier to walk all the way to his home and still get to school in time, even if he hates waking up early and needs at least one or two hours to be fully awake. He also knows Genda is too stubborn to be dissuaded. The company is nice though.

It's the first day Sakuma comes back to school after being discharged from the hospital. It's also the first day Genda goes to practice without covering his scars.

He almost decides against it, almost runs to the nearest bathroom to hide, but then Sakuma takes his hand and smiles, his silent support and reminder that it doesn't matter what happens, he'll always be there at his side. Genda nods, knows there is no way back now, takes a deep breath and opens the door. Sakuma doesn't let go of his hand.

There are a few shocked gasps as soon as they look at Genda, the happiness of having Sakuma back short lived. Everyone is staring and he has no choice but to explain himself as much as he wants to just leave. And so he swallows hard and talks, his eyes desperately trying to avoid them.

"Kageyama... he did it... When we were at Shin Teikoku... I just... I was just hiding them..." It's all he's willing to explain, but it's enough for them to understand, something darkening in their eyes.

The uncomfortable silence is broken when someone asks Sakuma how he's feeling, and the scars are quickly dropped to welcome back their friend and swarm him with their worry. Genda is silently grateful that no one is prying and just heads to his locker instead.

Even if he still isn't supposed to do any physical activity, that doesn't stop Sakuma from watching from the bench and helping whenever he can, crutches or not. It's not the same as having him on the field, but it's enough to make Genda feel more at ease, seeing his friend as lively as usual and moving around, not scarily still and barely conscious on a hospital bed.

It's also the first day Genda gets to go back to their usual practice instead of the lighter exercises the doctor had ordered him to do. Returning to his goalkeeper position feels right, he can't hold back a smile as he stands on the field. It's where he belongs, and no one can take that away from him.

He jumps, catches a shot, dives for another, punches one away, nothing is getting past him, he's back and holding his title of king with pride.

The practice is going as usual until Genda slips up, he jumps and doesn't reach the ball in time, falling to the ground as the ball hits the net. He gets to his knees, tries to stand up and-  _ Kageyama is staring down at him, frowning and disappointed because he failed, he can't fail again he knows what'll happen if he fails and it hurts it hurts so much and he can't see it's all red- _

"Genda!" He blinks and Kageyama is gone, Sakuma is kneeling in front of him with his hands on his shoulders trying to ground him. "It's ok, listen to me- it's ok." He has to focus on just listening to Sakuma's voice, to remember he's back at the real Teikoku and with his real team. "Kageyama isn't here, you're ok- I promise, you're ok, he's not here, he can't hurt you now." He weakly nods, forcing himself to breathe again, and Sakuma gently pries his hand away from his eye, thankful that the glove kept him from digging his nails into his skin.

The rest of the team doesn't speak. The silence feels so heavy it almost chokes him.

They end their morning practice early after that.

Nobody says anything when they find Genda slowly and painfully covering his scars with concealer before going to school, absently waving them a goodbye with a hand before leaving far too fast. Sakuma quickly limps behind him, weakly hoping that he isn't still trapped in his own panic.

* * *

 

During one of their calls with Kidou, he asks them if the Raimon can practice at Teikoku, says that he wants to try and teach them the Death Zone, that it might help in their fight against the Aliea. The entire team is quick to agree, and despite the dire situation, they're all happy to get to see their former captain again. 

It's the first time they meet the Raimon again after that match, and the first time Genda doesn't cover the scars in front of anyone other than the Teikoku's team. He tries to tell himself that it would just be a waste of concealer after everyone in there already saw them. It barely works to convince himself.

No one seems to pay any mind to his scars, but he can swear when Kidou looks at him his gaze lingers on them for a few seconds longer than usual. Genda just tries to ignore it and focus on Teikoku's training instead. It works until Endou enthusiastically asks the Teikoku to play against them. No one can say no to that stupidly happy face, really.

The Raimon is perfectioning their own Death zone, the second, improved version after they mastered the first. It scores with a startling ease, even when it's still not at its highest and far from being ready to be used in a real match.

Almost no one notices how Genda's hands start shaking when he couldn't stop the shot, how Sakuma is quick to rush at his side and make sure he's ok and still with them- but Kidou saw everything. He saw how scarred his friends are and he doesn't like it at all, a fist clenched and a muttered curse against that man low enough to go unheard.

Practice is over and most of Teikoku's team has left already, the Raimon picking up their stuff to retreat to the caravan. With the field mostly empty and quiet, Sakuma and Genda sit on the bench to rest and eat something before going home. Sakuma is happily chomping on a few rice balls, but Genda is quiet, his food unusually left untouched.

"How are you feeling?" He blinks, startled out of his thoughts, and when he looks up Kidou is sitting next to him, expression unreadable, and even with the goggles hiding his eyes, Genda can feel the gaze set on his scars. He absently brushes his bangs just enough to let them fall over his eye. The gesture doesn't go unnoticed, Kidou's eyes narrowing behind his goggles and Sakuma quietly putting down his half eaten rice ball, concern written all over his face.

"I'm... fine. I'm fine." He repeats it, as if that's enough to make it true and convince himself. It only succeeds in making both Kidou and Sakuma more concerned.

"... You don't have to lie." Kidou's voice is quiet and dripping with worry, yet Genda still finds an accusatory edge that isn't really there. He has to wonder if that's those few scraps of guilt left squirming inside speaking. He quietly sighs, a practiced lie easily slipping out of his mouth, burning his throat like he swallowed acid.

"I'll be fine, don't worry." They already worried him enough with the Shin Teikoku mess and their own health to add more weight on his shoulders. "I- I have to get going, my parents are waiting for me." It's not entirely a lie, they  _ have _ been trying to keep a better eye on him after Shin Teikoku. "Sakuma, you coming?" He just gives a quick nod in answer, and then Genda abruptly stands up, food left forgotten on the bench as he heads to the locker room.

Once Genda disappears into the hall, Sakuma's shoulders slump with a tired sigh. Kidou's gaze is still locked on the corridor Genda just walked into, mind already trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with his friend. Leaving them once to deal with their problems on their own was enough.

"He's not doing so well." It's not a question. "Those scars are bothering him."

"Yeah... It's been eating at him since we woke up in the hospital. He doesn't want to tell anyone, but... he's had it bad at Shin Teikoku. The scars..." Sakuma has to pause for a moment, close his eye and take a deep breath, the memory alone making him feel sick to his stomach. "Kageyama gave him those- when he failed to stop a shot, he just said that it served him as a lesson... to do better the next time..." If hearing that name is enough to get under Kidou's skin, the rest makes his blood boil in rage, something dark and twisted churning in his heart. He doesn't really feel guilty hoping the monster truly died in the fire he started on that submarine. Sakuma shares his thoughts, if the way his fist shakes as it tightly grips the crutch at his side is anything to go by. "I couldn't even stop him... All I could do was watch that bastard drag him away and see him come back covered in his own blood and looking like he almost died in there-"

"Don't blame yourself." Kidou has to cut him off before he can spiral down a dark string of thoughts. "You didn't-"

"I should've done something. I knew and I didn't try to stop it." It sounds like he's condemning himself. Kidou doesn't argue anymore, even when he knows neither him nor Genda blame him.

"It was all Kageyama's fault." The conversation dies quickly after that. 

Sakuma breaks the silence a moment later.

"I want- no, I have to become stronger." There is a quiet, firm resolution in his voice, the kind of determination no one can break. "I need to have the power to protect them- I can't let something like Shin Teikoku happen again because I was too weak to stop it." When he turns to look at Kidou in the eyes, there is a flame in his eye, burning stronger than ever with a will of iron. "Kidou, when my injuries are fully healed will you train with me again?"

He needs to be stronger. For the team they almost left behind, for the friends that still welcomed them back with open arms, for Genda who refused to leave his side even when he himself was falling apart. He would become stronger for all of them- on his own terms.

"Of course." It almost looks like a burden has been lifted off Sakuma's shoulders with those two words alone.

"Thank you." Sakuma's smile is one of the most genuine since the Shin Teikoku match.

A few minutes later Genda finally comes back, two bags slung over his shoulders and his scars once again hidden under the concealer. They both can feel Kidou's calculating glare narrowing behind the googles. Sakuma stands up and limps over to Genda before the tension can get any worse. Genda is silently grateful for that.

"We'll get going then. See you tomorrow." Kidou quietly gets up and bids them goodbye before returning to the Raimon's bus. The tension in the air vanishes as soon as everyone is on their way and the blue cape is out of their sight.

* * *

 

He's dropping Sakuma off at his house when the first droplets of rain start falling. Sakuma is quick to invite him to stay over until it stops raining, dragging him in before he can insist that it'll be fine and he can reach his own home in time (he wouldn't- they both know it's not the first time Genda gets home soaked and catches a cold thanks to that excuse). And so, they find themselves sitting on Sakuma's bed, watching tv and eating the cookies they stole from the kitchen. After a lot of pestering, he convinced Genda to remove the concealer too. He quickly realizes that leaving those dreaded scars in plain sight around his friend doesn't really bother him anymore, doesn't twist his insides until he wants to run away and hide.

Around Sakuma, he can feel at ease, comfortable and warm. His friend doesn't give him looks of pity and anguish, doesn't watch his every word like even the smallest mistake can break him- doesn't even bat an eye at the sight of the scars, like they're something natural by now. It's a very welcome change from the constant stress and looks that come with just walking down the street without hiding them.

The penguin he got Sakuma a few weeks ago is sitting on his pillow, he absently notices.

After a while, Genda can't bring himself to focus on the movie anymore. Sakuma is laying his back against the wall, his head on his shoulder and his long hair tickling his neck, one of his penguins and a plate of cookies on his lap.

It feels nice, he thinks. He wouldn't mind getting used to this.

Genda isn't quite sure when he realized it exactly, that what he's feeling for his best friend isn't so simple anymore, that his presence alone makes his heart do little flips like no one else. That it became so painfully easy to start thinking of those feelings as his little stupid crush on his best friend, to list all those little things about Sakuma that make him happy. He almost wants to kick himself for just thinking that.

It's not like Sakuma would feel the same for him, right?

Thinking back on all those times they helped each others through this hell, holding hands, smiling and even sharing a bed just to keep the nightmares at bay makes everything harder.

"Genda? Everything ok?" He's snapped out of his thoughts when Sakuma pokes his arm, a hint of worry shining in his good eye. Of course he noticed Genda spacing out, they've been friends long enough to know this kind of things. So Sakuma definitely knows something is up now. Great.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine- don't worry, I was just... thinking. That's all." He doesn't sound convincing at all. Sakuma's eye narrows, silently searching his face for the telltale signs of a lie. He sighs, not quite finding what he's looking for, yet that's not enough to ease the concern.

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?" Genda just looks away. His silence is the only answer Sakuma needs. "You can tell me if you want, you know? I can try to help." He knows- it would be easy, so painfully easy to just confess, to say everything and stop suffering just by trying to bottle everything inside until it drowned him. Somehow, thinking of actually saying it feels scarier than all those nightmares.

"You... you won't laugh at me or anything, right?" Sakuma just quietly nodded, a hand reaching out to take Genda's and offer him his support.

There is no turning back now.

Taking a deep breath, he swallows hard, forcing himself to meet Sakuma's gaze. Sakuma can feel his nerves, gently squeezing his hand to remind him it's ok, he's not alone.

"I was... I was thinking... about what happened and these past days- and I think... I think I..." Genda looked away, his voice low and hesitant, hoping, praying that what he wanted to say wouldn't change things for worse, that if Sakuma doesn't feel the same at least he would let him down gently, that it wouldn't hurt so much anymore. "I think... I think I like you." He can feel his face heating up, can't even glance at Sakuma in his fear of rejection, already regretting his stupid decision to blurt everything out like that. Just what the hell was he thinking? How stupid can he be to go and ruin everything like that?

"Hey, Genda. Look at me." His internal panic comes to a halt when he hears Sakuma's voice, low and steady despite the situation. Genda doesn't dare to turn until he feels a hand on his cheek, Sakuma gently turning his head to face him. "Did you... did you really mean that?" He slowly nods, suddenly aware of how warm the hand against his skin is. 

Then, Sakuma smiles, his own cheeks turning a faint red as he pulls him closer for a hug. Genda can feel his heart racing already.

"I'm glad it wasn't only me then."

Genda blinks, the words dying in his throat. For a moment, he almost thinks he heard that wrong, maybe he's just dreaming- this can't be real, right?

"W-wait- really?" Genda sighs, shoulders slumping as all the fear and tension finally leaves him, and he allows himself to breathe again. "Well, that's... that's a relief... I... honestly didn't think it would go so well..."

"What, did you think I would get mad at you or something?" Sakuma smirks, only meaning that as a joke, but Genda is quiet, almost ashamed when he looks away. His smirk fades quickly, replaced by a frown. "Genda...?"

"Nevermind." He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm glad it's mutual... but now I just feel stupid for being so scared. I mean, it's not like I could've known, but maybe if I just thought better about it? Ugh, I should've at least planned a better conf-"

"Shut up." Before he can keep rambling he's abruptly cut off when Sakuma's lips are pressed against his. It's hasty and a bit more forceful than necessary, nearly bumping their foreheads together, but it works, Genda is too stunned to do anything. Once his brain stops short-circuiting and he realizes what's happening, Genda awkwardly wraps his arms around him, holding him closer and relaxing into the kiss.

When Sakuma pulls back, the blush tinting his cheeks hasn't died down- if anything, it's worse than before. His smile is genuine, bright and warm, and it makes Genda's heart skip a beat. He almost wants to kick himself for such a cheesy thought if he wasn't so busy being a starstruck boy.

"Better?"

"Better."

For a while, they sat there in a comfortable silence, Genda's arms wrapped around Sakuma, his cheek resting on top of his fr- boyfriend's head. That... would definitely take some time to get used to. He doesn't mind at all.

"I think those scars look cool anyways." He blinks, taken aback, and when he looks at Sakuma there is a genuine grin on his face, not one of his sarcastic or mocking smirks. Then, Sakuma reaches up to gently touch his cheek, his thumb brushing the scars under his eyes, smile not wavering. "You look like a warrior or something like that."

Genda just raises an amused eyebrow, struggling to picture that in his head.

"Is that so?"

"Yep." Sakuma doesn't hesitate. "And if anyone asks you could always say you got them fighting a bear or something." Well, that is definitely something he can't picture, and he can't even hold himself back from laughing. Any tension, any doubt lingering in the air, it's all gone in a moment. He can genuinely smile, be happy just having Sakuma there with him and holding him close.

Maybe he would stop covering his scars. 


End file.
